Idiot Box

So, a couple of months back, I bought a big TV. Now, up until my early twenties, I watched a fuck of a lot of telly, but for the last few years, I’ve hardly watched any. Still, there’s a couple of shows I’d hate to miss, and so when I found myself facing the prospect of having no TV, I bought one. Since it was on special and all, I bought a big one.

Having spent my money on this thing, I figured I ought to watch it. You know what I discovered? Television’s really shit. No, really – as I sit there, it’s like I can actually feel my brain cells being sucked out of my head and into the strange, glowing box in the corner of the room.

Sort-of like an episode of Angel.

Which is, of course, an exceptionally vapid analogy that I would never have even considered making a couple of months ago. See? See what it’s doing to me? Damn that evil box; damn it to hell!

I suppose this comes as no surprise to most of you. I’ve noticed other people do, in fact, watch television. I’m just no longer sure why. I mean, I know I used to, and I’m sure I was enjoying it and all, but I can’t quite seem to figure out how that worked. I mean - it’s shit. No, really shit.

I mean, come on, how can anyone defend that thing with the ageing rocker sitting in a graveyard, introducing freaks obsessed with dead rockstars. For fuck’s sake, the concrete statue didn’t even look like Kurt Cobain.

Make it stop.

Maybe television’s gotten worse since I was young. I dunno. I’m willing to concede it as a possibility. But I don’t think so.

In which case, I guess it’s just me…

--Hewligan

27 July 2003