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Suffer the Little Children So, recently, this turned up on the message boards, along with an article about someone who had actually visited the Tranquility Bay school. Go on, read it. I’ll wait. I know it’s a bit long, but it’s well worth the effort. Right. Now I was going to post a long rant to the message board, but since I’m the on who’s always telling people that if you’ve got a rant, mutopia’s the place, I figured I’d probably better practice what I preach. And so, all preliminaries out of the way, WHAT THE FUCK? This, my friends, is pure fucking evil. No, really. Brainwashing children is never the answer – to anything. And make no mistake, that’s exactly what this is: brainwashing. I mean, this is not one of those ambiguous cases where, you know, it all depends on your point of view and everything. No, this is a fucking textbook case – a veritable how-to guide. Obviously, my first reaction after reading this was: “Send in the fucking marines. Have them free the children and then burn this misbegotten hellhole to the ground.” But then I thought about it some more, and realised why this plan wouldn’t work: The vile, moronic, demon-spawn parents, the very people supposedly responsible for the safety and well-being of these children would probably hear about it and escape before we could catch up with them. Because, honestly, what could possibly make you think this was a good idea? Imagine the scene, if you will: SCENE: A nice, middle class household. Mother and Father relax in their Laz-E-Boy™ armchairs, watching Holmes. MOTHER: Father, whatever shall we do? Our young Janey is acting so badly – injecting marry-jew-arna, and having promiscuous sex. Also, just last week, I heard her being quite rude to Aunt Tilly. FATHER: I know exactly what you mean, Mother. Fortunately, I found the solution last night on the internet, while I was looking for pornographic pictures of pre-pubescent girls having sex with horses. MOTHER: Oh, Father, you’ve found the answer? FATHER: Yes, Mother, I believe I have. For just US$40,000, we can send Janey to a torture camp in Jamaica to be brainwashed! CUT TO Janey’s room, the following day, as the black-clad Ninja-Gestapo Stormtroopers smash their way in, handcuff the young girl, and pack her on an aeroplane headed for an island with a more relaxed attitude towards issues like child abuse. Right, for the viewers at home, who may not have been paying attention, while they may be smaller than us, and have irredeemably crap taste in music, CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE, TOO! You have absolutely no justification for treating anyone like this. Countries where adults are treated like this for using drugs, having sex, and talking back to people who believe they know better, are generally considered to be committing massive human rights violations, and are therefore shunned by the civilised world, and probably given some sort of favoured nation trade status by the US. But if it happens to children, it’s apparently just good, sound discipline – exactly what they need. Fuck off. So here’s the revised plan – we still send in the marines, but they have to co-ordinate with local law enforcement and round up the parents simultaneously. Let’s see how they feel about a couple of years of torture camp. --Hewligan |
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