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Welcome to Lies
Lies is the short fiction section of 'Map for the Blind.' Herein you will find a growing selection of stories, and we are always looking for more. So, if you've got something you think we'd like, click on the submissions link to the left, and send it to us. Don't be nervous - we may be pretentious but we also have low standards, and we do take bribes.
But please, no poetry, unless it is bloody brillant.
Post Mortem Rudeness
One benefit to being dead and buried is that you can incredibly rude to ex-girlfriends.
Genie
But you see I have to be interested in language. I own a genie.
Embalming
"You know, if you fixed that doorbell, I wouldnÕt have to go to such effort to get in here."
Promising Sale
The church had been for sale something near three months when he walked into the foyer. He moved with utter confidence, each footstep an excuse to swagger, his head held high with a jaunty angle that bespoke a calm and gentle arrogance suitable to his trade. This, I thought, is no mere visitor but rather a man who is thinking of making a rather large purchase.
Vortex
Natasha Ivanovna Kovalev was given her name by her father, while from her mother she got her nationality and her red hair. Unfortunately from her father she also got the traditional Russian woman's tendency towards, well, fat.
Horny as an Inbox Full of Spam
ÒA little goes a long way,Ó the old gypsy woman had told me. At the time, I assumed she was talking about the embarrassingly inadequate size of my penis, but I was soon to find out how wrong I was.
Untitled
I knew his mother would produce a special baby. I don't know if it was the scars up her arms, or the way her eyeliner was too precise to have been applied in anything under three hours.
In the Cellar
The night wasn't particularly dark - the moon was full, and the sky was clear - but it was deathly cold. Jenny huddled close to Chris as they walked home, trying to stay warm. It didn't really work, but that was hardly the point.
Untitled 2
She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
Standing naked, covered entirely in blood and semen, the flickering light from candles clearly fashioned out of human fat making her a chiaroscuro of the obscene.
Notes and Matters of Concern
Endimas Wan, cursed with a terrible name and a worse haircut, was a street preacher. Not of the shouting doom and gloom variety, not even the kind who handed out books at 'donation' prices. Endimas handed out letters to people on the street; personalised messages from his God.
Can't Live With 'Em
So, like, I met Dave at the pub. He starts talking before I’ve even got me arse on the seat. “You know what I’ve learnt in my twenty-two miserable years on this misbegotten planet?
Oh for a Bottle of Gin
The central street of Merivale Heights was not littered with the corpses of the fallen.
This was hardly what I had expected. The battle to end all battles, the cessation of, well, everything, and here I was, in middle-class suburbia, with only a pocket watch, a good pair of pants and a map of Tahiti..
Mad as a Hatstand
It’s been one of those nights. Between the drink and the lack of sleep, everything’s turning into a big, grey blur. It’s hard to remember where I’ve been. I do know where I am, just barely. I’m about halfway across the harbour bridge, sitting in the passenger seat of Mad Eric’s car.
Granny Loved Me
At the bottom of our garden is an ornamental pond where my grandmother used to sacrifice the neighbours; those were the good days.
Now the pond stands empty whilst the neighbours breed. and breed and generally fuck like rabbits. Granny would not be amused; she would find it filthy and depraved. She had morals and knew her ethics. I miss her.
Missionary Zeal
Me and Dave walk into the liquor shop. They’re about three minutes from closing, so I quickly find a nice, big bottle of Vodka and take it up to the counter.
“I am on a mission from God,” I tell the old bloke behind the till.
Godhead
I am a God because they plastinised my brain.
I embarked upon my recourse to immortality in the early years of the 21st Century when I was but a young man. A prophecy from the East predicted that a tenth planet would careen from the farthest corner of the solar system and bring humanity to a close.
Michael
We weren't drunk when the old man walked in, but we were headed that way with considerable dedication. He grabbed a drink from the bar and sat down at a table near us. Not that I was paying him much attention.We weren't drunk when the old man walked in, but we were headed that way with considerable dedication. He grabbed a drink from the bar and sat down at a table near us. Not that I was paying him much attention.
Something for Jack
Kevin Smithsonian (no relation) decided that the Amulet of the Three Towers must be buried beneath the Civic Carpark Building.
It was a good hypothesis since the artefact in question was fictional.